Family Courts Best Kept Secret: Say that the father is abusing the kids and you will lose custody to the abuser


Mothers all over the world are finding this out only after they already lost custody of their precious children. For this reason, some lawyers advise women not to tell courts or mediators about child abuse or domestic abuse because, by doing so, they risk losing custody to the alleged abuser (“Custody Litigation,” 1988; Saccuzzo & Johnson, 2004). The only situation in which a defenseless child is required to regularly spend time with their rapist is when custody court believes a father has sexually abused his child; he will typically receive at least supervised visitation, or worse: custody. These extreme penalties are generally in response to the mother’s attempt to protect her child from an abuser and the court’s decision to punish and retaliate against her for complaining about her ex-partner’s abuse.

If a man threatens to take away the kids if you dare leave him, please read Some men kill their wives, others steal the children

Moms, if you dare say in court that your child has special needs, or autism, you will be accused of having Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy/Factitious Illness By Proxy or Borderline Personality Disorder, or anything else in the DSM handbook. Abusive men seem to refer to the DSM as their personal bible.

Make sure to speak to the wonderful people at Protective Mothers Alliance International.  PMA is an international organization co founded/codirected by Lundy Bancroft and Janice Levinson. The PMA family consists of protective mother-driven advocates working together as a tight team for change.

Also speak to Mothers Against Munchausen by Proxy Allegations – MBPS – MSP

Justice For Children is a national nonprofit organization of citizens concerned about children’s rights and their protection from abuse.

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3 Responses to Family Courts Best Kept Secret: Say that the father is abusing the kids and you will lose custody to the abuser

  1. Your post, “Family Courts Best Kept Secret: Say that the father is abusing the kids and you will lose custody to the abuser” sounds crazy. It would be crazy if it weren’t happening all over the country. Thanks for the post. Looking forward to the day when our family courts are a place to find justice and peace.

    Julia Fletcher

  2. DLE says:

    My daughter’s lawyer point blank told her that he had had women in his office black and blue with face swollen almost beyond recognization, and the father still got 50/50 custody with visitation. Reported child abuse neglect is overlooked as well. Nor does drug and alchol abuse mean anything in awarding custody and placement. A husband abandoning the family and moving across the us to the west coast with no forwarding address, only a “let your lawyer talk to my lawyer”, will also still get the 50/50 custody and visitation.
    So what happened to the idea of protecting the child, making sure their needs as autistic children are being met. – heaven help my toddler grandsons from their father.

    • Mary says:

      This scares the heck out of me seeing as my ex is/was abusive towards me and was getting abusive towards the kids in front of me before we left in fear for our lives. There are other concerned parties, but, most people don’t want to step forward, and, the province where the court is being battled out is pro-father(my ex to be filed for divorce within days of our leaving and slammed me with a divorce file, 2 affidavits and custody papers all at once, with 3-1/2 business days to respond and before the first hearing) – the last judge we had will 9 out of 10 times rule in favour of the father, and has been known to grant convicted pedopohiles supervised visitation. He said that if we had been addressing custody he would have ruled in favour of equal custody. If we get him again, we are in big trouble. For the first 9 months after leaving, whether I was agreeable to their demands outside of court or not, he would take me to court. He uses the credit line on our house to pay for child support, and he and his girlfriend(whom I found out about while reading his paid supervisors notes)has been standing by him the whole time, and she even sat behind him in court while I testified against him for sexual assault. The police don’t want him near the kids, but, there is only so much they can do. The ministry of children doesn’t want to get involved(funnily they have no problem jumping for lesser things if the father doesn’t have a stable job, etc) and said I have to fight this out in court – they said to keep fighting for full custody, and if anything happens then they can step in. But, if I agree to joint custody, I am on my own – and once you’ve given that much, there is not going back. If I want to get a child psychologist involved I am looking at anywhere between $5,000-$8,000 on top of the legal fees I am struggling with already. And even then, it may work in his favour. Our son is now 4-1/2, our daughter 2. There is a chance they can get ordered back to live with him and his girlfriend(both have good paying jobs, he has the house, the vehicles, etc). The resources for our son are not available in that little town. A couple of doctors have done up letters of concern regarding the children, as has a speech therapist, and the judge wouldn’t even look at them. Before those letters were done, I had other numerous letters of support done by reliable sources, and, nothing(then again, I had a crappy lawyer at the time who just took my money and opened her own firm, leaving myself and a few other clients in the lurch – and a firm struggling to fix what she did, or should I say, didn’t do). My new lawyer is going to attempt to dispute the divorce claim amongst other things, but we are running out of time, and too much time may have passed(like I said, I had a crappy lawyer before). I am praying to God that we don’t have to return to hell; I am tired and scared but know that we have to keep going.

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