Why a family court judge will not reverse a custody decision even after you were proven innocent


After you lose custody, you will probably go all out to prove your innocence. After your case has progressed to the place where you were already proven not to be a danger to your children, you will probably wonder why custody has still not been given back to you. This is the time in your case when you will learn about “significant change in circumstances to modify a custody order”.

How the system messes up:

First, a judge will believe every horrendous allegation against you, and ‘for the safety of the children’ the judge will issue a quick and temporary custody order, while removing the children from you, or you from them.  Then, you will probably get enraged and ask for fact-finding, or, proof about all those allegations. Sure enough, after a year or so in court the fact finding will show that there is nothing on you, only a bunch of lies. By then, the judge will use the most ridiculous excuse that family courts ever created; “we don’t want to upset the status quos with the children, seeing that they are stable right now”. Say what?

Holes in this process:

  1. First, the judge traumatically separates the children from their mother
  2. Then, the judge declares them ‘stable’ in this environment
  3. Then, the judge decides that this is a status quos not to be changed
  4. Then, we all sit and wait for ‘extraordinary circumstances’ to warrant a change, such as – daddy needs to become an axe murderer.

This feels a bit like elementary school. Imagine that you misbehaved in class, so you get punished and made to stand outside of the class. The principal sees you there an hour later and asks you why you are outside. So you answer, “I misbehaved”.  So the principal asks, “are you behaving now?”  You say, “Yes”. So the principal says, “Good that means you belong outside”. Huh?

Welcome to the family courts of America.

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7 Responses to Why a family court judge will not reverse a custody decision even after you were proven innocent

  1. Ashley says:

    Whats worse is when NO allegations have been made against you as a parent. MY son was taken away because I left the abusive home and was “insensitive to the child’s needs.” Never once have I been accused by any party of not being a fit parent. The judge decided on his own that I was insensitive to my child’s needs.
    Here I am 2 years later fighting to get a re-hearing and remove my son from his drug-addicted father’s home.
    I even had video of daddy using drugs in court and the judge STILL took my child from me.

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  3. Justice 4 Kids says:

    Judges have too much power in family and juvenile courts. They also have personal incentives to abuse children and parents and pad their friends’ pocketbooks with money robbed from parents and grandparents. There will be no justice for kids and parents so long as judges have the final say. It is time that juries be used for child custody disputes.

    • Karma Rohmer says:

      The mediator sent me in reverse,an i filled motion asking for 1 day more and pickup and drop off to not take place at my ex’s home. an that would have given me a whopping 20% and less stress on us. This system is so screwed up, He uses my mildly autistic sons as a pawn to get his Child Support on time, the Judge could care less about me or my boys, my boys an I are suffering in so many ways, and all I do is see it getting worse an worse, they are going to damage this generation…. I went through divorce myself and it was bad but it can never be as horrific as it is now…

  4. After my custody-switch experience (with all the markings of case-rigging), the judge who’s decisions I attempted to appeal, blocked my access to the appeals court (by removing my informa paupers fee waiver). I knew that within two years after the decisions, any further modification action would go in front of the same judge. So, I waited (not so) patiently until the two year marker approached. Then I began to search for an attorney to help me address the serious problems. It became clear very quickly that no attorney wanted to challenge that judges decisions. The message I was given was that any new judge would *assume* the original decisions were made for good reasons (!!)

    No one starts with the assumption that a judge was wrong and this is a heavy burden for those of us who’ve experienced legal abuse. I am still working to find ways to get the help I need. I’m interested in learning more about cases that have had some of the issues from legal abuse in family court remedied by taking actions to address the criminal aspects in criminal court.

    I’m really enjoying your blog. Thanks a lot.

  5. I also lost custody of my son and there were no allegations of me being unfit. I have a home, job, clean criminal record and live drug free. My son is autistic. The judge refused to provide a reason for me getting 20% of the time. My son, who was 4 years old at the time of separation, began to regress. I have been fighting for my son for 2.5 years and have seen more corruption in the courtroom than any other point in my life. My ex is suing me for the 4th time for more custody. He hates that I am involved at all with my son and openly abuses me in front of him. All attempts to have him held responsible for alienating my son’s affection have been ignored by the court. I’m being sued again in 5 days so I can lose more time. Ex can not prove a substantial change in circumstances, but he has gotten everything handed to him that he ever asked for, including $7,000 in “back support” by saying that I was out of my son’s life for 18 months and he wants his money. Absolutely no proof was needed. Our hearing for the $7,000 lasted a whopping 5 minutes. No witnesses or evidence was needed to prove his point. I pleaded with the judge to ask for evidence and the judge said that he gets to make the decision, not me. I live in Connecticut and the system is so corrupt with negligence. I am counting the days where my son will be old enough to have a say in how he’s treated. I’m looking for a Civil Rights attorney in Connecticut and want to be compensated for all my attorney fees and damages.

  6. Michelle says:

    It’s a cop-out plain and simple. Children are not so fragile that they cannot handle change, in fact children adjust to change much easier then most adults. What the courts need to stop and realize is you get ONE chance to raise your children. ONE. Once you miss those moments, they are gone forever. So to use a cop-out like this, is laziness in the court systems.

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